Samantha Love

Erotica Author

Category: Female Domination (Page 1 of 3)

Audible

If you’re like me, your books-to-read list grows way faster than your books-read, especially if you have a wide range of tastes. Currently, I’m reading Neal Stephenson’s Seveneves, a hard sci-fi novel, which so far, has exceeded all expectations. Then I want to start on Blake Crouch’s Abandon, an author I discovered after reading his Wayward Pines Series. Then I’m off to a little steampunk followed by Don DeLillo’s Americana. Chances are very good that you’ll never read steampunk and Don DeLillo written in the same sentence again.

Those don’t even cover the erotica and nonfiction books I want to get to.

With a full time job, a longer than average commute, and a child at home who just started walking, I often feel overwhelmed to find the time to write, let alone the time to read. Yet, I’m a stout believer in the old truism that every writer must also read and do both in plentiful amounts. Even after setting aside a few hours each night for this, progress is slow. In my younger days I’d tear through fifty books a year. Now I’m lucky to get through twenty.

However, I think I may have found a solution. I’m a big fan of Sam Harris’ podcast. It’s one of the few places you can find intelligent, rational people discussing contentious, yet important, issues. In every podcast, he diffidently mentions his sole advertiser, Audible. Out of support for the podcast, I signed up for a free month. If you’re not familiar with Audible, they’re a subsidiary of Amazon that sells audio books.

I didn’t think I’d enjoy audio books. I like that cozy feeling of curling up with a book and getting lost in another world. And I still do. I don’t think there will ever be a substitute for the intimate exchange provided by the written form. Yet, I knew there were plenty of other times—driving, doing chores—when I couldn’t read, but I could listen to an audio book.

By the way, this isn’t an advertisement for Audible, and I don’t have any audio books out. I’m just passing along something new I’ve discovered that has worked well for me.

After a couple of months, I’ve already listened to about half a dozen books. At this rate, I’ll more than double my reading consumption. While it’s not a substitute for good old-fashioned reading, audio books have provided me with a complimentary resource to get through all those books I want to read, but will never have time for.

So far, I’ve found audio books work better for nonfiction and erotica. Other people enjoy listening to mainstream fiction, but unless it’s erotica and there’s a sultry voice that can pull me in by a unique means that I wouldn’t get through reading, the audio version of fiction tends to pull me out of the story.

My other, much more proactive, option to increase my reading is to throw the damn television out the window. As much as I hate my squabble box, I can’t seem to part with it. He’s like that old abusive boyfriend promising me every week that he’s changed. And I fall for it hook, line, and sinker every time, believing I’ll be entertained with substance only to find myself sucked into the pit of idiocy that is The Learning Channel.

Oh, the irony.

Cover for Latest Book

Housewife to DOminatrix male submission.jpg

Thought I’d share the cover for my latest book Housewife to Dominatrix: A Couple’s Journey into Male Submission. I’m currently completing the final edits. When it goes live on Amazon, I’ll let everyone know here and also on my mailing list along with other social media platforms. The final word count is right around 120k words, so this one is much longer than my previous works, but I wanted to write a good size novel since this is something rarely seen in the female domination genre.

Here’s the book description:

Claire is the doting newlywed who keeps the house spotless, grows the best tulips on the block, and her key lime pie just took blue ribbon at the county fair. No one suspects that her marriage is already in trouble. When her husband is laid off from the local coal mine, things only get worse as Claire is forced to look for work. The only callback she receives is from a cryptic online ad requesting her to entertain men’s submissive fantasies. She initially refuses. Claire knows nothing about being a dominatrix, nor would her husband ever approve. But as the bills begin to pile up and her husband still can’t find work, Claire is forced to take the position.

The head domme, Mistress Rose, promises to take Claire under her wing. From the first swing of the paddle, Claire discovers a new sense of power and confidence that she never knew she possessed. While her husband believes she’s taken a job at an upscale clothing store, he’s beginning to notice some peculiar changes in his wife.

This traditional, small town couple is about to discover that sometimes it’s better for the woman to wear the pants—even if those pants are made of leather.

Visiting a Pro-domme for the First Time

We’re at the end of the three-part series on making your submissive kinks a reality. If you’re interested, you can read the first two parts, “Introducing Your Wife or Significant Other to Female Domination” and “Finding a Dominant Girlfriend”. In this section, we’ll be discussing visiting a pro-domme.

If you’ve never visited a pro-domme, one of the first questions you may have is whether such services are legal. This depends on where you reside. First off, I’m not a lawyer. Also, most of my research on this matter is limited to America. It’s simply too large of a topic to research from a global perspective. While this may be an over-simplified statement, Europe tends to be more lax regarding sex work than America. And yes, BDSM for hire is sex work. Without the sexual impulses, no one would be hiring dominatrixes.

I’ll save my rant on why outlawing prostitution is impractical and immoral for another blog post. First, let’s look at the current situation. There are many asinine laws on the books. Take this frightening example. Alabama, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah all have sodomy laws banning certain “unnatural” sex acts. These often include oral and anal sex and bestiality. While I think most of us are comfortable with protecting animals, having the state attempt to restrict the former pair is quite disturbing. You might think these laws don’t matter. Certainly the local police aren’t going to bust down your door on a tip that you’re receiving a blowjob. However, as recently as 2014, the Louisiana House of Representatives voted 67-27 to continue same-sex sting operations whose goal was to arrest consenting individuals for engaging in same-sex relations.

Since these laws are unconstitutional, they are never held up in court, but they do send a clear message to the populace: certain sexual acts are immoral, which is the whole point of them still existing. By the way, in case you think this story is a one-off, I could literally fill up a year’s worth of blog posts listing stories that are far worse.

So where do pro-dommes fall into this murky, dated legal system in which federal and state laws often don’t agree? The best answer I can provide is that they exist on a thin grey line. There is very little written about BDSM in the legal context. When anti-sodomy and anti-prostitution laws were written, I don’t think power exchange was wildly known or discussed. However, that doesn’t mean previous laws can’t be applied to new situations. Laws are purposely written in vague legal jargon. Judges realize that laws cannot cover every foreseeable situation of the future. They write them in a manner that can have broad legal application. Therefore, whether paying a dominatrix is illegal depends on many factors such as the judge, the prosecutor, and the arguments of the defense.

You can easily see how cloudy this becomes. If a spanking arouses the individual, is this really any different from prostitution? Does it matter if it’s a clothed or naked spanking? How is CBT handled? There’s definitely touching of the genitals there. Where do you draw the line with body worship?

It’s all very confusing.

You can follow a few tips to limit your chances of legal trouble. If you’re going to visit a dominatrix, make sure the sex work she provides is only related to BDSM. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with visiting a sex worker who splits her time between being an escort and a dominatrix or one who blends the two during a session. I’m simply stating that traditional sex workers, on average, have a greater likelihood of being targeted by law enforcement. And yes, I’m aware of the crackdown a few years ago in New York City that closed many BDSM clubs, but I think that’s a rather isolated event. If you want to stay clear of the heat, hire someone who exclusively provides domination services.

So how do you know who is exclusive and how do you go about finding a competent domme? You may never know with complete certainty that a sex worker provides exclusive BDSM services. However, there are some attributes to look for that can give you a fairly good idea. If the dominatrix has her own website, she’ll list whether she engages in sexual activities. Most do not. And unlike escorts who say that the “donation” is not for sex and that whatever happens between two consenting people happens, dominatrixes aren’t trying to circumvent the law while giving their prospective clients a wink. They’re telling you unequivocally that they aren’t going to provide you with a happy ending. If that bothers you, find another domme who offers what you’re seeking.

Beyond individual websites, you can find local pro-dommes on Backpage. Be very wary of these. Many of these ads are fakes. If they don’t list their own website, I would be very skeptical. The Erotic Review is also a good site where you can see if someone has posted fake pictures and read reviews from clients. I’m not a big fan of these review sites as I think it pressures sex workers to provide services they’re uncomfortable with in order to please clients, but I understand there benefit to potential clients.

You may be surprised to learn how few dominatrixes are in your area unless you inhabit a large city. Therefore, you might have to take a trip to realize your fantasies unless a traveling domme happens to be passing through your area. Of course, the paradox with traveling dommes is that they usually only venture to populated areas that already have pro-dommes.

Another aspect that may come as a shock to some is the price for professional domination. $250 an hour is not unreasonable and highly sought after dommes often charge more. This is about in line with the cost of seeing an escort. Some men wonder why a dominatrix, who isn’t having sex with her client, can justify such high prices. I actually look at it in the reverse manner. A good, well-equipped dungeon can cost fifty grand to stock. Have you ever taken a look at the prices of those latex dresses or military boots? A good bondage table alone can run over a grand. Whether you’re visiting a pro-domme or looking to spice up your monogamous sex life with a partner, BDSM is a very pricey fetish. There’s also the training to consider. Dominatrixes don’t learn to properly swing a bullwhip over a weekend, and incorrectly using one can seriously injure a person.

This is one of the reasons I wish sex work was legal and regulated. I’m a CPA. The state says I can audit and sign off on publicly traded financial statements. This is because I’ve earned a bachelors and masters degree in accounting from an accredited university and passed the four sections of the CPA exam. With a dominatrix, it doesn’t work this way. There are no degrees or certifications. You have to rely on a stranger’s word, and considering the obvious power tilt of BDSM, this should be a very disconcerting reality to any sub. Therefore, you should never feel ashamed about asking a domme for references or her background and training. If this pisses her off, move on. A competent domme will be more than willing to provide you with answers. In fact, considering how frustrated many dommes are with subs who state they have no limits, she will probably be reassured that she is working with an intelligent individual who’s thinking with more than the head between his legs.

And since we’re on the subject of limits, you should have an idea as to what you want and don’t want to occur during a session. It’s okay to tell the dominatrix that it’s your first time and that you aren’t exactly sure what you are into. However, you should have a general idea of a few things you’d like to try. If you’ve been fantasizing about this for years and it’s an urge strong enough for you to hire a dominatrix, I can’t believe you honestly don’t have any clue as to what you desire.

After you’ve found a pro-domme and you have an idea of a fetish or two you’d like to try, it’s time to book your session. You’ll need to decide how long of a session you want to reserve. I highly recommend booking a two-hour session. Unless you have only one particular fetish you want to explore, one hour isn’t enough time. Setting up a bondage scene, for example, might take fifteen or twenty minutes. If it’s your first time, you’ll probably be nervous, too. With only an hour, you’re likely to just begin to feel like you’re relaxing and getting into the scene by the time it’s over.

When corresponding with a pro-domme, remember to be polite. Ask questions if you have them. A dominatrix is accustomed to working with nervous newcomers. Just remember that she isn’t a mind reader. If you have a strange fetish, bring it up. Chances are she has heard it before. If not, I doubt you’re the oddest client she has ever seen, and she probably appreciates having the opportunity to explore something new. If your fetish imposes on one of her hard limits, respect her boundaries just as she will respect yours.

One of the questions you’re likely to be asked is whether marks can be left. This is up to you and your personal situation. Some subs enjoy receiving marks so they can be viewed during the days following a session, as it gives the sub a sense of being branded by his mistress. If you do want marks, be sure to clarify where marks can and can’t be left.

Before your session, I recommend going two or three days without ejaculating. This is by no means a requirement, but you might as well get your money’s worth and be super horny. Also, don’t forget to show up looking your best. This doesn’t mean arriving in a three-piece suit, but a shower and some basic grooming can go a long way, and you’re more likely to receive a better session. And by all means, don’t show up inebriated. Should you do this, any domme with an ounce of ethics will promptly show you the door. If you’ve scheduled a particularly heavy corporal punishment session, you can take a few OTC pain relievers beforehand. This may help alleviate swelling.

Tipping is not necessary. If you want to get a gift, ask the domme her preference before buying something. Other than that, enjoy your session and be sure to thank your mistress. It’s also nice to send a short email the next day thanking her for the session.

Follow these recommendations and you’re likely to be on a great start to a long-term relationship with a pro-domme. I’ll add one caveat to end on. If you’ve never entertained you fetishes and you start out with a pro-domme, remember that your kink play with non-professionals is likely to be different. They’ll be more compromise, and you’ll need to lower your expectations.

Happy Holidays

I wanted to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and a happy holidays. I’ll be back next week to conclude the three part series on making your submissive fantasies a reality. For the third part, I’ll be discussing visiting a pro-domme. Please be safe and enjoy your time with family and friends!

Finding a Dominant Girlfriend

Last week, I discussed how to introduce your wife or significant other to female domination. If you aren’t currently in a relationship you might have felt left out. Don’t despair. This week’s post is all about you. If you’re a single kinkster looking for love, consider yourself very fortunate. There are plenty of like-minded fetish enthusiasts out there with desires just as twisted or tame as your own.

Unfortunately, this is a numbers game, and the numbers aren’t encouraging for submissive males searching for their Wanda*. There are a wide range of stats on this issue. Some list submissive males outnumbering dominant females four to one. Academic research I’ve seen have numbers all over the place but submissive men always outnumber dominant women. If you read the fine print on these studies many of them only have a few hundred people (at best) and are often limited to a small geographical area.

Here’s Fetlife’s own numbers.

Fetlife Female Domination Stats

Link to larger graph.

Fetlife Female Domination Stats

Link to larger graph.

I know these are probably too small to see, so I’ve provided a link to them. If we add up sub and slave, we get 11.39% for men. For women, adding dom, domme, and mistress, we arrive at 10.74%. Sadist represents a percentage too small to be included. There’s also brat which I imagine contains a few dominant women. Given this comparison, there appears to be an almost 1:1 ratio.

However, at almost every Munch or fetish ball I’ve attended submissive men have far outnumbered dominant women. Others have confirmed my anecdotal reports. So what gives? The reason for this anomaly is simple; men outnumber women on Fetlife’s site 6:1.

We may never learn the real number, but I know this much. If you’re a submissive male in search of a dominant woman, being able to present yourself as a human being interested in real connections beyond having your fetishes entertained will put you in the top ten percent alone. Be respectful and find common ground beyond kinks and you’re likely to have much better success than shouting out a bucket list of fetishes to be fulfilled.

Fetlife is like Facebook for kinksters. There’s also Alt. For males, Collar Me (or Collar Space as they’ve now rebranded themselves) is a waste of time. I’m not even giving them the respect of a hyperlink. Another great site is AboutFLR. The dating portion is very small, but it has a wealth of information about female led relationships. There are a ton of other sites that a simple Google search will reveal. While POF and OkCupid don’t cater specifically to kinksters, they both have a large number of active users. Both are also free. (For the record, I met my spouse on OkCupid, so I think they’re pretty awesome.)

Fetlife is probably your best bet. Just don’t expect to find your dream domme in an afternoon. There are still lots of fakes, flakes, and pro dommes on any of these sites. Be patient and spend time filling out your profile to the best of your ability. You can use a photo, but realize that with reverse imaging, your photos might be found. If you do want to use a photo of yourself, which I highly encourage, post one that has never been put onto any other social media site before.

After you’ve set up your profile and you’ve started chatting with others who pique your interest, try moving things out of the digital world as soon as possible. Get a phone number and call the person. You’ll get a much better feel for them. It’s important that you don’t develop feelings for someone who only exists to you in cyberspace or through texting. We can present just about any persona we want on the Internet. Speaking to that person on the phone will give you a much better impression of who they are.

If all goes well, meet in a public venue and have coffee. It’s important to have one or two non-fetish meet-ups before diving into anything sexual. Call it kink courting. You also want to be careful that you don’t end up in any dangerous situations. Bondage with a stranger is a recipe for bad things to come. Remember that you control the pace. Any domme who is pushing you to engage in activities that you feel uncomfortable with is a major red flag. The reverse is also true for dommes.

While Internet sites can be a great way to meet others, don’t disregard Munches if they’re available in your area. Munches are informal get-togethers for like-minded fetishists held normally at a restaurant. This is a great way to meet experienced fetish participants. Even if you don’t find your domme at one of these, you are sure to meet veteran dommes who can help guide you and provide mentoring. Don’t underestimate how valuable this can be.

Finally, we get to the best way to meet your future dominatrix. Date regular women. While this is the long route, it’s probably the most common. While many men are aware of their fetishes, most women don’t discover their kinks until someone introduces them in a relationship. You may get turned down a few times after you reveal your kinks. And yes, she might tell her friends. Just make sure to have your phone close by because one of those girlfriends may decide to give you a ring.

*Wanda is a reference to the dominant woman in Sacher-Masoch’s Venus in Furs.

Introducing Your Wife or Significant Other to Female Domination

I occasionally get emails from readers who have fantasized their whole lives about submitting to a dominant woman. Many of these men are married or in long-term relationships, so it always begs the question as to why they’re telling me about this instead of their significant other. I never ask because I already know the answer. They’re afraid of rejection.

In the spirit of the holiday season, where giving is a central theme, I decided to write a three part series on making your submissive fantasies come true. If you’re a female dominant looking for a slave, you should be able to reverse the pronouns and follow the same logic. For a virgin kinkster, I can think of no better present to yourself than the gift of realizing some of your submissive fantasies. In this blog post, I’ll be discussing how to introduce your wife or long-term partner to a female led relationship. In the next post, we’ll chat about finding a girlfriend or play partner who’s into femdom, and finally, we’ll end by talking about pro dommes.

Almost every submissive male is to some degree ashamed of his fetish. Our culture still assumes the man is to ask the girl out, initiate sex, ask for marriage, and lead the household. Sexual submission—whether practiced as a weekly spanking or as a lifestyle based on a female led relationship—turns those notions on its head. Too often, the submissive male is viewed as a weakling or a loser. It’s no wonder these men resist the idea of outing themselves to their romantic interests. They fear ridicule at best and a divorce or break up at worst.

Submissive men have to get that misrepresented caricature out of their head. When confessing their submissive kinks, men often approach the woman as if they’re admitting to bankruptcy, criminal convictions, or terminal illnesses. If you’re that ashamed of your fetishes, how do you expect other people to respect them? Have confidence and be proud of your kinks. Know that submission is a gift. You aren’t confessing sins, but rather, revealing who you really are. Anyone privileged enough to hear this should consider themselves lucky to be with someone who trusts them enough to reveal their deepest desires.

But yes, I can hear the groans of men reading that last paragraph. The world isn’t so kind and accepting. Sexual deviations are routinely met with derision. The LGBT community knows this all too well. This is why I advise you to take it slow.

Unfortunately, there exists a bit of a paradox when it comes to men coming forward with their desires to submit. They will be terrified to tell anyone, but when they do, it’s often a long admission of all their desires. Don’t do this. Take it slow and be patient. Start off by admitting certain fantasies you have. Your partner will probably ask for elaboration. When she does, give a light example such as wanting to be spanked or your desire for her to be more aggressive in bed. Be specific and remember that she probably won’t know what acronyms like CBT or FLR mean. Judge her reaction. If you’re really lucky, she might admit similar interests. Either way, she’s likely to oblige a small request.

And most important of all, lower your expectations. Your wife isn’t going to throw on a catsuit and dominate you the entire weekend just because you admitted your kinks to her. Take small steps, adding a little more at a time. If you push too quickly, she’s likely to feel uncomfortable and think that she sucks at domination. That’s not a very good way of making your wife feel sexy. Do that and she’ll dread entertaining your submissive fantasies.

If she enjoys domination, you can continue to reveal other interests. Try to impress upon how your fantasies help her. If you enjoy body worship, tell her that you want to give her foot massages and oral sex as often as she likes. Likewise, tell her you want her to make you do the chores. For a partner who is sexually uninterested in dominating her husband, this can be a great way to sell a female led relationship. In The Stranger, Dan Savage wrote about this exact thing (link provided to the article). The husband wanted to submit to his wife. She, on the other hand, wanted someone, “to do the fucking laundry.” After years of living in a wife led marriage, the woman couldn’t imagine going back to their former ways.

I think this provides a perfect example of how female led relationships are often negotiated. Submissive men look at the reality of there being far more of themselves than there are dominant women and despair that the odds of their wife ever being into FLR are so slim that it isn’t worth the risk of bringing it up. This, more than anything else, is the reason why I think so many submissive men go their entire marriages without ever revealing their kinks.

Just think about how unfortunate it is that so many submissives will never tell the person they’ve decided to spend the rest of their lives with about their deepest sexual needs. I can’t help but wonder how many of these men on their deathbed will be mentally flogging themselves for never having had the courage to open up.

Don’t let this be you.

The sad reality is that your wife probably isn’t the femme fatale of your dreams. Most women don’t masturbate to thoughts of dominating men. However, most loving wives are willing to cater to a light fetish. When she sees how happy an over-the-knee spanking makes you, she might obliged a few other requests.

With that being said, your wife may introduce a few fantasies of her own that might not exactly tickle your submissive heart. If so, suck it up and do your best. It’s only fair to give back in a relationship.

Buying and Using Your First Strap-on

As you read the evening newspaper and flip the page, you hear your wife calling you from the bedroom in her signature ready-to-play voice. The workday has been stressful and long, but right now your wife wants to set your mind at ease. You set down your paper and move toward the bedroom. As pass the doorway, you see her standing by the bed in her silk robe. She opens it, allowing the fabric to fall to the floor. Watching her step forward in the lace ensemble you bought her for Christmas, your throat tightens. Then you see it. Extending from between her legs is an eight-inch strap-on. You start to back away, to object. She tells you not to worry. Your wife understands. You’ve had a tough day at the office. It’s time to bend over and let her do all the work.

Whew! I had to set my wet panties beside the keyboard after that one. Nothing like some good old fashion strap-on sex to humble a man. Is there anything better? So many kinks wrapped up into such a simple fetish. There’s the physical act of bending over in a submissive pose, the hints of forced bi, the tapping into deep-rooted fears of rape. With a little dress up, feminization can easily be added. Gender roles are reversed. Considering the number of kinks at work, it’s no wonder that strap-on is such a popular fetish.

First, can we seriously get a committee of lexicographers together to decide if it’s spelled strap-on, strapon, or strap on? Macmillan, I’m looking at you.

Since I’m a fan of hyphens, I guess I’ll stick with strap-on.

Selecting a Strap-On

If you’re a sub, I’m assuming you have a partner to play with. If not, I’ll be writing an upcoming series of blog posts about making your submissive fantasies a reality, whether it’s telling your significant other, finding a play partner, and/or visiting a pro domme. Check back for those updates.

The one word of advice I’ll give on purchasing a strap-on is to remember the idiom, “Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.” The same is true when picking out a strap-on. Often the sub’s eyes are bigger than his anus. That nine-inch beast may get you rock hard when viewing it on the computer screen, but unless you’re advance with anal play, that thing’s probably not going inside no matter how much lube you use.

Also, don’t assume that just because you’ve used butt plugs in the past that this should be good measure of how big of a strap-on you can take. A butt plug remains in place. Just because you can get it in once doesn’t mean you can easily endure the thrusting motions of your partner fucking you.

The most important dimension is not length. Most men’s asses are long enough to take six inches. Width is what causes most of the problems. And since strap-ons are primarily made for women, the widths are often too large for an anus. Anything over an inch for a first timer is probably too much. Almost all strap-on dildos will tell you its width in the product details, so you shouldn’t have a problem finding it.

Avoid the curved dildos. These are designed to hit a woman’s G-spot and won’t work well for a man’s anatomy. And please don’t get a glass dildo. These are decorative and have no business near your body, and since they take so long to warm and are hard, I can’t imagine them feeling good. Go with silicone or CyberSkin materials. Both are the most realistic materials, the latter being more so.

Don’t overlook the harness either. Make sure it’s a comfortable looking one. If you’re feeling more adventurous, get a double-sided or vibrating harness. There’s no reason that the receiver should get all the fun.

Lube to Use

I recommend getting JO Premium. It’s the only silicone lube that can be used with silicone sex toys. Silicone can be a pain to get off, but it’s better than anal lube. I would avoid water-based lubes. They dry out the anus because the rectum absorbs water, causing swelling and increasing the amount of micro tears in the rectum walls.

As a side note, if you’re planning to use condoms with your strap-on play, silicone based lubes also won’t break down condoms like petroleum-based lubes will, e.g., Vaseline. But remember that JO Premium is the only silicone you can use with silicone-based products.

Using a Strap-on

Avoid defecating for at least several hours to avoid . . . well, let’s not go there. Condoms make cleanups easier. For some, condoms can also lend to the realism of the experience, adding to the humiliation factor.

While it’s pretty obvious to add lube to the dildo, don’t forget to lube the hole it’s going in. If you have trouble fitting the strap-on, a butt plug for ten minutes can help loosen things up.

Safety

Start off slowly. If you spot any blood, stop immediately and don’t try again for several days. The biggest public service announcement here is cleanup. Dish soap works fine. We all hate cleanup after sex, but germs are probably the biggest threat lurking in any dungeon or kink chest.

I think that’s about all. If you have any questions, or if you think I’ve left something important out, let me know below.

Alternative Therapy on Sale

Alternative Therapy

Happy Thanksgiving!

Starting this Sunday, November 29 at 12:00 AM PST to December 1 at 8:00 AM PST, Alternative Therapy will be $.99. Normally, it’s $4.99, so that’s 80% off, and at 95K words it’s my longest femdom story.

Since it’s a countdown deal, the price will return back to normal in increments. From December 1, 8:00 AM to Dec 3, 4:00 PM, the price will be $1.99, and after December 3, 4:00 PM it will go up to $2.99. After December 6, 12:00 AM, the price returns to normal.

Please note, this is for the US store only. If you’re outside the US, you can still create a US account and take advantage of the deal.

Cuckolding – Why You Want It and How to Make It Happen

If there’s one fetish besides findom that leaves people shaking their heads, it’s cuckolding. The idea that a married man would want his sweet, dotting angel of a wife to go out to the bar to pick up a random stud to give her the best lay of her life does sort of go against all that we cherish in a monogamous relationship.

In case you don’t know, cuckolding is when a female in a monogamous relationship (usually a marriage) has sex with other partners while the man remains faithful. The female, in this case, is referred to as the ‘cuckoldress’, her new outside love interest the ‘bull’. The man being cheated on is the ‘cuckold’.

Almost without exception, the man is the one to first raise the idea of cuckolding. I’ve heard varied explanations for why this sexual fantasy exists. Some think the man believes he isn’t good enough for any woman. Others view the relationship as dead and that the man unconsciously wants a reason to leave. Those reasons could be true for some, but I don’t think it speaks for the vast majority of men who have this fetish.

Cuckolding is one of the many forms of psychological sexual masochism, although, not all men into cuckolding enjoy being humiliated. A minority of cuckolds purely enjoy the arousal of seeing, hearing, or thinking about their lover with another man.

Cultural/Evolutionary Causes

Anthropology lends one potential explanation to why this fetish exists. Any stat on infidelity clearly demonstrates that monogamy doesn’t come naturally to us. It’s a fairly recent social construct in evolutionary terms. Even during times of monogamy, it was assumed that men would have mistresses and concubines until about forty to sixty years ago. While many point to the Bible as the source of monogamy, a light reading of scripture reveals more sleeping around than an episode of Mistresses. The New Testament dials back the multiple wives and concubines, but little is spoken about monogamy outside a few verses in Mark and Matthew referencing a verse in Genesis discussing man and woman becoming one flesh.

A more likely source is Rome where the cultural norm was monogamy. After Constantine made Christianity legal and Theodosius made it the official religion of the Roman Empire, Christianity adopted many of Rome’s cultural practices, including monogamy.

While monogamy, polygyny (one husband, many wives), and polyandry (one wife, many husbands) once all coexisted rather peacefully, once monogamy became intertwined with the spread of Christianity, it became cemented in most cultures. As Dr. David P. Barash and Dr. Judith Lipton succinctly state in their book The Myth of Monogamy:

“Once a monogamous code exists, violating that code is antithetical to higher levels of civilization and of personal development.”

The thought of a woman having sex with multiple men (sometimes at once) may strike the pious as sinful, but such behavior was quite ordinary for thousands of years and may explain the reason why women developed the ability to have multiple orgasms. In a monogamous relationship, multiple orgasms really don’t make much evolutionary sense for procreation.

Sperm Competition

This brings us to what I think is at least one piece of the answer as to why cuckolding is such a popular fetish among men. Competition. In the beginning of a relationship, the chase alone for men is thrilling enough. Once that chase is over and the pair of lovers is on their tenth hour of a Game of Thrones binge, it’s no surprise that the excitement is gone. This is one reason why so many men into cuckolding are over thirty and in long term relationships. Having lost their sense of competitiveness, they’ve become bored and disillusioned. For these men, introducing competition reactivates the chase.

Sperm competition is seen throughout nature and alludes to why men view so much more pornography than women. Watching people have sex activates their sexual desire to compete. (Lesbian porn arouses them from watching sexually aggressive females who are ready to mate, but that’s an entirely different topic.) Therefore, cuckold fantasies activates a primitive need to compete in a man’s sexuality.

It should be noted that very few men with this fetish actually want their wives to leave them. Cuckolds only want the illusion of competition. While he’s sitting off to the sidelines watching his wife get dolled up for her big date, he knows that she’ll later return home to tell him all about the great sex she just enjoyed.

Cuckolding as a Fetish

Despite much of the media brooding over this so-called new phenomenon, if anything is new, it’s that more people are able to make this fetish a reality as a result of the internet. Plenty of sites, such as, Date A Cuckold provide a community for cuckoldresses and bulls to seek arrangements.

Of course, all this intellectual appeal fails to explain why all men don’t harbor cuckolding fantasies. From the limited research available, one established link is that most men into this fetish are educated individuals with high IQs, which makes sense since it places a premium on the mental, rather than the physical, aspects of sex. (Though, I doubt all male Mensa members are trading tips on how to get their wives to sleep around on them.) How our sexual DNA, hormones, and life experiences produce a kink remains a mystery to psychologists.

To make matters more complicated, there are different types of cuckolds. Some are submissive and enjoy the humiliation of laying out the woman’s clothes and preparing the bed for her and her lover. Some additionally see it as an avenue to forced bi. Others have no interest in female domination and purely enjoy the voyeuristic aspects. Then there’s the white man who only wants his wife to enjoy black men.

Making it a Reality

Whatever your particular style may be, if this is something you’ve fantasized about and are now looking to make a reality, I think it’s best to follow a few guidelines.

  1. Don’t try this in a new relationship. Unless you’re cool with a kink-only relationship, cuckolding is best done when trust has been established in the relationship. It’s also pretty rare to be desired in a new relationship since the thrill of the chase provides enough stimuli.
  2. Don’t jump in headfirst. Start with a date that doesn’t involve sex, and see what both your reactions are. Then add a kiss and so on.
  3. You may find you don’t like it. If your lovely wife or girlfriend makes your fantasy come true only for you to find yourself crying in the corner of the bedroom with regret, process your own feelings without slut shaming your significant other for something you asked her to do. This happens a lot, and it’s so not cool.
  4. Building off #3, don’t be surprised if the fulfillment of this fetish is the greatest turn on of your life until you blow your load and reality comes crashing down with all its post orgasm shame. This is a common reaction expressed by first time cuckolds.
  5. Get the bull tested for STDs. Most cuckolds want their significant other to have sex without a condom so she can be filled with the alpha male’s sperm. Remember the part about sperm competition! This type of play is fine as long as you’re safe and on birth control.
  6. Be careful involving coworkers, friends or relatives. I don’t think this one needs explanation.
  7. Realize that most cuckold relationships don’t work out in the long term. Often, someone falls in love, becomes resentful, gets jealous, ect. Yes, many report that their relationship is on fire during those first few months of cuckolding, but making this work over the long haul requires a high level of trust and communication. Many marriages have ended in divorce as a result of cuckolding, so understand that you’re trotting into a fetish with potentially serious consequences. (Though it’s worth noting that some have attributed the cuckolding lifestyle as having saved their marriage.)
  8. Consider visiting a kink-friendly therapist to provide guidance and to make sure you are both ready for this. A professional can also help you process emotions that will undoubtedly come up once the cuckolding begins.

All of this, though, is dependent upon you telling your significant other. Do be tactful about this, and make sure you impress upon her that this doesn’t mean you don’t love her or that this is a cleaver ruse for you to later seek sex outside the relationship. Impress upon her that you want her to have the best sex life possible and seeing her as a “hotwife” is a thrill for you.

Beyond that, there’s not much you can do. Your wife/GF/SO will either agree or not, and most won’t. I’ll say that again for the overly optimistic kinkster who’s jerking off while reading this. As someone who has been in the fetish community for a while and watched men hang from ceilings while their wives whipped them, this is the one fetish where those same kinky women will resoundingly say, “HELL NO,” to cuckolding. Despite the online cuckolding forums giving the impress that every wife in the neighborhood is openly fucking around, the odds she will ever be into this fetish are slim.

But if this is something you really desire, test the waters by bringing it up in a casual conversation and gauge her reaction. You might say you read about it in the news. Personally, I’m not a fan of these mind games, so I think you should just come out with it, but if you think your wife might freak out, take the stealth approach. You know your wife better than I do, so trust your instincts. From what others have said, if she likes to talk about past boyfriends and describing the sex she had with them, this appears to be one of the signs of a potential cuckoldress. Other than that it seems to be a crapshoot.

If she’s not down with spreading her legs for that young stud who serves her morning macchiato with a wink, try compromising with role-play. Your wife might even find that she likes your fantasy sessions more than she thought she would and later warm up to the idea of cuckolding you for real. If not, there are plenty of cuckolding porn on the web, and a little imagination can go a long way.

If you’ve got any hot cuckolding stories, please share in the comments!

Maimi Book Fair

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This weekend I went out to the Miami Book Fair for the first time. Every year I talk about going, but this time around I finally got off my butt and went. It was great to see local writers, and I got a bunch of books at a great price. For anyone in the Miami area, today is the last day if you want to check it out.

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I took this weekend off from editing Housewife to Dominatrix. I usually work seven days a week, so it was great to have a few days to get out with the family. Also, next week I’ll be posting a blog entry on cuckolding.

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